I'm not sure if Edna is someone else or myself. Surely my eating disorder is still me, but why do i feel different when writing as Lovelyana? I've eaten just under 400 calories today under a quarter of what i should be eating and yet i feel empowered. I mean, i feel sad when i can't feel the hunger. Perhaps it's because i'm trying to empty myself so i feel nothing but then Edna makes me binge to feel something. It's too confusing. I'm too young for this. All of it. I'm too young I'm too young to be this stressed. I mean if i currently think " i hate my body, i purposely starve myself and cannot think straight because of this stress but before i try and make myself feel better i have homework for: Textiles, maths, science, history and P+R." How fucked up is that?! I want you all to watch this, it's my favorite poem. <3
I'm eating every day 800 kcal as maximum, including binges, somedays less than 400-500 (on bedrest the minimum would be 1500, we learnt how to calculate it in our school, if you don't know i can tell you how), but i need 1900 in a normal school day (but i can't go to school, now i've got panic attacks EVERY DAY two or three times).
I don't understand very well the video, but more or less i can understand the meaning. I'm trying only eat clean: no more free fat yogurts, only semi milk (you must to try to change little thinks, my parents are very proud because it's a little and good step). I'm still skipping the breakfast, and when i'm hungry i drink hot sweet infusions without sugar like you said, my body thinks that is full and i'm not hungry / i havan't got big binges. Once two week sometimes I drink one liter of milk (like four yogurts), or five apples, but i'm really proud of can control it. What made me change? This video that youtube suggest me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oxWpt7omA0 I don't want to be like this girl.
My parents are proud of this change and they give me more confidence, if someday i'm not hungry they don't force me to eat very big plates, and my dad said that if i gain a pair of kg i can become veggie (i don't want to gain at the moment, but i'm losing more weight and i'm worried, for two days the muscles of my right leg fail and I know that it is for throw the meats and skip meals). Sometimes i'm happy eating: usually saturdays for dinner my dad cooks fish instead of meat because he knows that it make me feel satisfy, and in sundays they let me eat less meat than the others if i eat more vegetables. Anynight we eat meal: only fish, egg or sandwiches. In my grandparents house they also cook fish for me (once a week). There are little changes that make me strong: you should find what makes you happy with your eating, talk about to your family and this will give you hope for eat better. Please, try it. I love you ♥
Please tell me you're getting help for these panic attacks? They sound awful :( . I will watch the video link you sent me, and i'm happy you've got a better mentality towards food :3 . I will try your tip, thank you very much. I love you too <3 X
I'm eating every day 800 kcal as maximum, including binges, somedays less than 400-500 (on bedrest the minimum would be 1500, we learnt how to calculate it in our school, if you don't know i can tell you how), but i need 1900 in a normal school day (but i can't go to school, now i've got panic attacks EVERY DAY two or three times).
ReplyDeleteI don't understand very well the video, but more or less i can understand the meaning.
I'm trying only eat clean: no more free fat yogurts, only semi milk (you must to try to change little thinks, my parents are very proud because it's a little and good step). I'm still skipping the breakfast, and when i'm hungry i drink hot sweet infusions without sugar like you said, my body thinks that is full and i'm not hungry / i havan't got big binges. Once two week sometimes I drink one liter of milk (like four yogurts), or five apples, but i'm really proud of can control it. What made me change? This video that youtube suggest me: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-oxWpt7omA0 I don't want to be like this girl.
My parents are proud of this change and they give me more confidence, if someday i'm not hungry they don't force me to eat very big plates, and my dad said that if i gain a pair of kg i can become veggie (i don't want to gain at the moment, but i'm losing more weight and i'm worried, for two days the muscles of my right leg fail and I know that it is for throw the meats and skip meals). Sometimes i'm happy eating: usually saturdays for dinner my dad cooks fish instead of meat because he knows that it make me feel satisfy, and in sundays they let me eat less meat than the others if i eat more vegetables. Anynight we eat meal: only fish, egg or sandwiches. In my grandparents house they also cook fish for me (once a week). There are little changes that make me strong: you should find what makes you happy with your eating, talk about to your family and this will give you hope for eat better. Please, try it.
I love you ♥
Please tell me you're getting help for these panic attacks? They sound awful :( .
DeleteI will watch the video link you sent me, and i'm happy you've got a better mentality towards food :3 .
I will try your tip, thank you very much. I love you too <3 X